The Island Of Ios: My Heaven, My Hell

Kadri and I are on the Greek Island of Ios and the scenery here is beyond description. It is so far beyond description I will now attempt to describe it. Amazing clear water, mountains, other islands off in the distance, white sand beaches, those boxy white greek houses you have seen on a million pictures of Greece, friendly Greek people, good Greek food. We have a pool we can sit by or take the walk own to the beach, there’s wifi and we have a FANTASTIC air conditioner in our room. In this way, Ios is heaven.

remember what a mountain is?

Then there is the white elephant in the room, or rather the tanned meathead beside the pool. This island is FULL of Australians. Not just any typical Aussie either but 18 to 25 year old Contiki style kids who are here to do nothing but sit on the beach, drink themselves stupid each night and make out with someone who at best comes from the suburb across from you and at worst is your cousin.

This is why Ios is my own private hell. These bogan sproglets have a each have an IQ equal to the tasty bacon and eggs I had for breakfast beside the pool. They are loud, obnoxious and have absolutly nothing interesting to say. Doesn’t it set off alarm bells when you travel to the other side of the world and you only meet your countrymen? If any of them have spent time living here it is London, because the adventure begins when you enter the “walkabout” each friday night doesn’t it?

lets see another photo of nice scenery, have a cup of tea and calm down a bit shall we?

Of my quick first and second hand talks with these people (the limited time I can stand to keep up such conversation), I have noticed it is generally the guys who have done some backpacking and one guy was planning on visitng Estonia in a few weeks “that place is run by the Mafia”. Yes, yes it is and I’m going to call ahead so they expect you. Our cheif Mafia boss is a funny looking guy in a bowtie but dont let his peaceful exterior fool you ok?

Right now I sit by the pool and it is surrounded by Aussie girls tanning themselves, or as I call it “the circle of stupid”. Wow, you came all the way here to find sunshine! Thats very rare in Australia, you are really travelling now, something to tell the kids about!

This place is nothing more than a glorified day care center for overgrown bogan sproglets who have lived with their parents too long and have managed to save enough cash to do their “big trip”. This is like schoolies week on the Gold Coast except they are all a year or two older, however they all seem twice as dumb.

The best part of all of this is that today is “Australia Day” here, see proper Australia Day is January 26th however thats not in season, so they have arbitarily selected today to make such a celebration with festivities starting at noon. I can’t wait to get involved, I’ll go talk with Mike and Johnno and Damo and we will talk about how grouse Greece is and how the prices are a bit better than London and how we are spewing that the blues lost the State of Origin. Fully sick! This will really be the best Australia Day ever!

By Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran is an Australian Stand Up comedian and comedy promoter based in Tallinn, Estonia. He was the co-founder of Comedy Estonia, Comedy Finland and Comedy Latvia. Louis writes, does gigs and performs at private events through the Baltics and Finland

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