Shirt On Fire

I consider myself a fairly well heeled young man, I have my own place, it looks rather good, I eat decent food. I was feeling very proud that I just got a new ironing board and iron and I was doing an inaugural iron of my nice blue shirt when I smelt something a bit weird

“oh this iron makes a funny smell”.

Actually no. That’s the smell of my shirt burning on the candles I had next to the ironing board. The sleeve of my shirt is now on fire.

Thought number 1 “WWHHHOOOAAA, My shirt is on fire”. Thought number 2 was, thankfully “lets get you into the sink” and thought number 3:  “I need a photo of this”. Then the camera wouldn’t focus. I settled for this one

Quite a nice little hand warmer going here. At this stage I figure I better open the window to get rid of some of this smoke, so as I open the window…. off goes the fire alarm. At least I now know it works. Thinking I may be in the situation I was in Tallinn in 2008 where the fire alarm is wired into the house system and I wouldnt know the code to turn it off, I became worried and grabbed at the small alarm on my ceiling. Thankfully, its your crappy regular kind and a quick removal of my battery calmed down any neighbours who may have started to feel it a disturbance (heaven forbid someone actually thinks an alarm is an errr alarm these days)

Fire is out, smoke is gone, alarm is off but blue shirt is ruined.

What a day. Stage 1 of bike repossession is complete, I got the bike off the pole all without getting any attention from authorities. I have a video of it coming soon but heres the sweet thang in the back of my car

I had to dig the Volvo out, after a week of sitting out in the minus -10 she ticked over first time. Rock on Swedish Engineering!

Tomorrow I begin mission “use an angle grinder to cut the lock off my bike”. How can I fail?

Bike Hostage Situations

I got back from a week in Estonia and found my bike, which I had left chained to a pole, had been fucked with. Someone has screwed the lock somehow and it became impossible to get it open. Oh did I mention it’s -10 and 10 cm of snow outside too!

So what can I do? I like this bike, its an old Swedish Crescent which I dont want to give up. In case you have forgotten I am Australian, which means I already have a super dodgy plan.

See the above pic and how it a pole with a sign on top? Well turns out, nice Finnish people dont seem to have a problem with kids stealing street signs so that sign at the top is bolted on with REGULAR screws. Now to me this is amazing, in Australia its not enough to just bolt things down, you need to bolt them down with a special proprietary screw, concrete the thing in place and then put a surveillance camera just to make sure some little shits from Lovell Pde Shortland don’t come along and Saddam-drag that thing out of there. This is by no means an admission of guilt in any form…

So my plan is such

  • Next non snow blizzard day, come back with a stool and my tool box
  • Take off blue top sign
  • Slide bike off the top of the pole
  • Reattach blue top sign
  • Take bike home to my attic where I can use my Swedish bought Angle Grinder to cut the lock off the bike
  • Ride to the store (in -15) for an ice cream

Will my plan work? Will some good Finnish person call the cops? Maybe, but I am confident that I can explain this. Somehow. I may need someone to verify that the bike is actually mine. My friends here do know the bike but I figure my best bet would be just to call Anna. In Finland, anyone who speaks Swedish is instantly a trustworthy (and most likely wealthy) person so they would believe her.

I’ll get my bike back, don’t you worry.

Eric and I Do Some Karaoke in Riga

Last weekend Eric and I went down to Riga and we did a little singin’

Find Me On Google

Google is an amazing tool, if you run a website, Google can tell you how people have found your website through searches. Below I have listed several of the exact search phrases which have listed my website in the last month.

“putin komedy klub” (whoa, I wanna go there! all the way with the PKK!)
“communist day” (happiest day of the year)
“i had great time in bulgium” (I had a great time there too, I also had a great time in Belgium)
“the biggest difference between swedem and australia” (this produced two hits, meaning someone used the same bad spelling twice)
bitch in debrecen (maybe they were referring to the dentist?)
cheap tires in europe (Im your man baby! Head down to Rehvikoda on Peterburi Tee in Tallinn)
debrecen student fuck (what the debrecen student fuck?)
how get married american girl (a simple redirect to dieters website)
stalin make sexy time (genocide is nice!)
aboriginals fotos (fotos of the aboriginals, dont you see)

Live at The Apollo, Helsinki

I was going through some old footage tonight and I found this gem. Phil and I performed as openers for Jason Rouse on his last tour and I think the beautiful Apollo Theatre made a great back drop. This video is also notable as I am wearing a different shirt.