Hungarian Dentist

So Ive been working in Debrecen, Hungary for the last week and a half, its a nice place, good people and we have good garage parties but a few days ago my tooth started to hurt. This kind of happens sometimes and it goes away within a few days but this one was a little more painful than usual so, thinking I should do the sensible thing, I found a Hungarian Dentist. She comes very highly recommended.

I start by entering the surgery where I have to wait, along with 4 other people with nothing but a small TV to amuse us. Oh good, Hungarian "Deal or no deal" is on and the guy just won 1,000,00 HUF which is like 3,800 EUR. Good on you. There seems to be an odd game of musical chairs going on here as the patients go in and then they come back out and then they go back in again.

Then it comes my time to go in, a nice lady and her younger assistant. She presents me with a needle and points it toward my mouth. I attempt a break for the door but shes got me pinned down. I hate needles. I hate needles in my mouth even more. She inserts the need and it breaks my gum. I scream a muffed, mouth open scream. She injects the fluid and I scream more. I believe I am heard across the neighborhood.

She she informs me Ill wait 10 minutes and then she will attend to me again. This is where I learn that this lady likes to talk. and talk and talk. the other guy is waiting on the table but she talks. something about America. who knows. all I know is that my mouth has reached its maximum level of numbness and now.. slowly but surely, it is becoming less numb. 45 minutes later, I am back on the table, with feeling back in my mouth.

I make her promise there will be no more needles. She agrees. I breath a short lived sigh of relief as she goes for a large blunt metal object instead and aims it as my mouth. As I learn, in between more muffled screams, is that this tool is to somehow push the tooth around and back into place. excellent idea. if my mouth my still numb, which is it now not. the neighbor is reminded once again I am at the table.

Finally some gauze is inserted into my mouth and she prods it in, bit by bit, each prod accompanied by another yelp from me. I have proven the little girl I really am. She informs me that I will have to come back tomorrow morning at 9am to get this removed. sweet jesus. I leave, having lost any respect the dentists and other patience possible could have had for me.

As I go the Dentist has one final parting word of advice for me

"Cognac or vodka, that will help"

Words of wisdom from my Hungarian dentist. I shuffle home, my jacket not quite done by properly and shaking from what just occurred which gives me a walk like the Rain Man.

I dont feel like drinking now, I dont feel like eating either even though I am hungry. I am considering asking room service to put a club sandwich in a blender for me.

Next time, I think Ill keep taking the aspirin and ride the tooth ache out.

By Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran is an Australian Stand Up comedian and comedy promoter based in Tallinn, Estonia. He was the co-founder of Comedy Estonia, Comedy Finland and Comedy Latvia. Louis writes, does gigs and performs at private events through the Baltics and Finland

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