Cosmo October 2014 – Who Pays?

January 11, 2014



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Knowing who should pay on the first date is a minefield. I like to pay, I feel its the gentlemanly thing to do but there is always the risk, what if she thinks we should go halves? I am infringing on her feministic rights and taking away her “she-energy”? Am I a condescending jerk for saying that? Am I a condescending jerk for not offering to pay? Am I just a condescending jerk? (send your answers to louisisajerk@cosmopolitan.ee to win a signed picture of me having a drink thrown in my face)

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Can a guy throw a drink in a girls face though? I thought not but this guy has a pretty water tight excuse. pun intended.

It’s bloody hard for the guy to know which one he should do. My friend in Australia who is one of the countries’ top young playwrights thinks it should be equal to “get away from the analogy that women are sex vending machines that only respond to coins of romance being put in”. Wow, intense. Let me see if I have any spare change.

I don’t understand the idea that going halves makes you an independent woman. What of the opposite: Is that all it takes, a meal, to take away your independence? (On a side note: President Ilves should never accept a meal from Putin, you never know). Eating this meal won’t send you back to the typing pool in Mad Men, it’s just a nice thing to do.

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On their first date, Toomas was more than apprehensive

Think of it from another angle. Years ago as a young backpacker in Berlin I met a girl in the hostel and after many beers we decided to sneak into her dorm room. However, there was only one problem, a Korean guy, laying there, in the dark and very awake. Not to be defeated I came up with a brilliant plan. I went over to my new Koran BFF, explained the situation, asked if he could go downstairs to the bar for half an hour and if so, it would be my pleasure to provide him with 20 euros to buy himself a few drinks. I know right, another genius Louis Zezeran masterplan!

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20 euros is a fucking fortune to a backpacker, I meant business

When my female friends back in Australia heard this they were aghast!”Louis you were paying for sex! How could you?”. Sure money was changing hands but it wasn’t going to her, it was going to “Kim Jong Pimp” laying there. AND he’s not a pimp. Well maybe he’s a pimp back in Korea but he’s not a pimp here. How is this any different from paying a restaurant to create a nice atmosphere and provide drinks all night to lubricate the… err.. conversation?

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If this was the Korean involved it would have been all like “Oh Denis, we helped Louis get laid, give me a hug”

As it turns out, rather than Gangnam style, my Korean friend was more interested in “Going-nap” style. Despite my repeated pleas he refused my monetary offer and as I sulked away I saw I’d been away so long my female friend had fallen asleep. Strike two for the evening. Defeated, I went downstairs to the bar and used that 20€ to instead buy drinks for myself. At the end of this night, it was still the bartender who got paid.

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Surely I can not have been the only backpacker to sit in the bar of this place and gently sob.

The point is just do whatever you want to do and screw what society or your friends think. If you like paying, just go for it. If you like the guy to pay up, all power to you sister. Just let the guy know somehow. You will gain more kick ass chick points by just being straight with him and not acting all weird at payment time. Unless you date a Korean guy, then you are on your own.

Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran is an Australian Stand Up comedian and comedy promoter based in Tallinn, Estonia.

He was the co-founder of Comedy Estonia, Comedy Finland and Comedy Latvia. Louis writes, does gigs and performs at private events through the Baltics and Finland
Louis Zezeran

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