24 Hours in Amsterdam

Not as sexy, high or cool as it sounds.

The Sydney Morning Herald reports “Europe trapped in deep freeze”. Everywhere in Europe that is, except the typically cold parts, like the Nordics. My plane was delayed arriving in Amsterdam by a mechanic fault but it has left me stuck in the middle of a continent which is unable to cope with a light powdering of snow. Even Estonia does better than this guys.

So now my best hope is at 21:25 tonight when I may be able to get on the same flight I missed yesterday. Cathay Pacific was a crock and I stood in6 different lines for most of the day. It could have been an authentic Soviet experience except there wasn’t a stale half a loaf of bread waiting for me at the end. There was one line which I felt, only existed to put you at the end of another line.

I am on standby for the flight so I am now further into the airport, behind the passport control and it is truly a gift that I worked out how to cheat the “1 hour limit” on the internet otherwise I would have gone mad. I slept in the terminal last night, just like Tom Hanks in that movie “when harry met sally”. Without the starbucks. I actually slept under a desk, the floor was cold but it was flat. Warm, bent or cold and flat. You choose at 2am at Amsterdam airport. Still I was doing better than this lady from last night.

The basic survival instincts are kicking in. My phone is running out of battery so I’ll do a survey of the area looking for anyone else with a Nokia and see what I have to barter with them for use of their charger. Maybe I can share my secret of free internet, that’s got to worth something in this “dog eat overpriced hamburger” world right?

Oh and if I make it to Sydney, I should be thankful. There’s little chance of my bag arriving on time. I have mum’s gift with my hang luggage but dad may be out of luck. Along with my undies.

Thanks for listening to my endless ramble as I am bored out of my brain in this airport. To prove I am alive and well, here is a low resolution, easily doctored photo of me.

Europe trapped in deep freeze

Lost In Transit

My trip to Australia has landed me in Amsterdam airport for the night. Our plane was delayed out of Helsinki and I missed the connection so now I need to bunk down in AMS for the night as I have been rescheduled to go at 13 tomorrow. Now in fairness, I am rescheduled on Cathay Pacific and not my original China Dodgy airlines so maybe all is not lost.

The airport is like a post apocalyptic movie. We walked through the airport, being told where they may be salvation (read: a place to sleep) and we saw people sleeping wherever they could, on any flat surface. All the shops are closed and its like things are turning desperate. I saw one Italian guy eyeing off the coffee stand and I think by 3am he may attempt a break in to make himself a latte.

I couldnt find the sleeping place at first so I walked around and found a small kiosk where I could purchase: 1) sushi and 2) 4 leffe tripels. I figure this will get me through the night and atleast make things fun. Interesting side note: 8.5% beer is now the norm for me, when I drink regular stuff it has no effect, or rather, it has to be drunk in much larger quanitities. Like say last friday night in Möku, but I digress.

So as I eaty the last bits of my california roll I am left to ponder why I am here and why I dont seem to mind. When we had the original delay in Helsinki I had a zen moment of accepting my fate. I could do nothing to change it, so why freak out. It was always going to take hours upon hours to get home, whats a few more?

As with any good apocalyptic scene, it has become a desperate grab for resources. The main ones are comfortable sitting places. Of which I have one. Secondly, some have noticed I have ready supplies of quality beer and I believe at any moment they may make an advance upon me. I will do my utmost best to fortify my position and hold off the marauders. The Leffe’s are all mine.

Four and a Half Hours In Helsinki

That’s what I am doing today, it is a busy Christmas season and there are a lot of shows to do.

We had a great night at Club Prive, the room was full and the crowd was really nice, our intro had the laughs rolling and they kept coming all night. Aron Flam was our headliner and Ive liked his comedy since the first time we had him on in Stockholm. A highlight for me was Andrei Tuch’s performance. Andrei is the last of the Comedy Estonia crew to get up at Prive and Andrei brought the jokes and the delivery. He had his best gags and great delivery and the audience really got into his stuff, Andrei did great.

So why am I spending 4.5 hours in Helsingfors? Today I have a Christmas party performance there, its for an IT department and I am really looking forward to it, MY people!

Then after the show I am on a ferry back to Tallinn and then a bus to Tartu because Friday night we have our last Christmas party show. THEN later that night, its the 1 year birthday party for our favourite bar, Möku. T Shirt time… shirts off time… it might get to pants off time on Friday night.

Im exhausted, ironically because theres so much going on I havnt been sleeping well. Thats the lifestyle and I love it. Once I get through today’s gig, it’s smooth sailing and on Sunday its 35 hours of China South Dodgy air to Sydney. Ive been talking to their customer support and I am already convinced my bags wont be joining me in Sydney.

Get some, go again. Time for some jokes.

There’s No Business Like Snow Business

In Helsinki I park my car a little out from the center where the parking is free and seeing as Ill be gone for 3 weeks I thought Id go check on it, to make sure everything is ok.

We had a little bit of snow fall here in the last week

Like the new lines on it?

Volvo — they’re boxy but they’re good

I cleared away the snow at the driver’s side door and got in. I put in the key and the engine ticked over first go again. No worries here, that’s Swedish engineering.

Barry from Bankstown

Last month at our open mic in Möku Tartu we had an old mate of mine drop by, Barry the Bogan from Bankstown. Barry can be distinguished by his oversized mustache which clearly only some kind of real man could grow. Sadly thats where Barry’s talents ended. All he had were three dicks jokes and the rest of the time he tried to hit on female audience members. In this clip below Barry is even ripping off his friend joke “for fun”. We are not sure when Barry will be making a reappearance on stage at Möku but we will try and give the girls plenty of forewarning.