Baby We Were Born to Run

October 31, 2007



The eagle has landed at JFK were I picked up the hire car and my fears were proved founded, check it out, remember im delirious from a long plane flight

So I hit the road, trying to make it out of NY and into somewhere with.. less traffic atleast. I headed toward this place called "Allentown" on the map but found somewhere better just before… "bethlehem". are you kidding me? well atleast they didnt call it "new bethlehem", thats over stating your status a bit too much. I found a reasonable hotel and bunked down for my first night on US soil.

In the morning I kind of wondered north west a bit, no real destination in mind, anything small town america, thats what I was really looking for.  I have also come to love the GPS unit. I couldnt do without it, no way, this country is huge and signpostings are cryptic at best and this thing knows EVERYTHING. It found me the hotel in bethlehem even. About the only annoying thing is the one generic womans voice it uses, I think Mr T would should much better

"Up here, fiddy feet on the right, take the off ramp fool"

"hmm what ramp??"

"ON THE RIGHT SUCKA, THE RIGHT, TAKE THE RAMP FOOL"

The only downside to the Mr T GPS is that it would take you everywhere except the airport. "If I aint getting on no plane, you aint getting on no plane sucka. Now, where the milk for the children?"

Ok so how can I go wrong. I was somewhere in buttfuck pennsylvania when i looked over my map… hey theres a place up north called Niagara… its Niagara Falls!!! You know it!!

10 seconds later the GPS had been programmed for upstate New York and the Canadian border

"Your trip will take 4 hours and 5 minutes fool"

"Like hell it will" and the Saturn took off up the road.

so im cruising down the highway, badass style and who should stop me… The Man.. well actually the Woman.

The New York State troopers had got me speeding. I didnt actually feel bad because I knew whatever happens, it was going to be a good story. The nice lady gets out and comes up to the window

"Do you know you were doing 80 in a 65 zone?"

"80? oh like miles? oh no I didnt I am sorry officer, I get ever so confused with these miles things, ive only been here two days. Did I mention I am an Australian??"

She takes my details and comes back in a few minutes… AND I GET LET OFF!!! Take that Swedish coppers! Either she was feeling nice or booking a foreigner in a rental car was too much effort for her, so it was time to hit the road again.

So i made it to Niagara falls and its awesome, its off season with lots of cheap rooms so I stayed the night and watched the sunset and then sunrise this morning. You can see Canada too, its right across the water.

So now its time to leave Niagara and head down to Pittaburgh. Mr T says its going to take 3 or so hours. I should stay under the limit atleast until Im back in pennsylvania, they dont know me there yet.

AMERICAN! FUCK YEAH!

Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran is an Australian Stand Up comedian and comedy promoter based in Tallinn, Estonia.

He was the co-founder of Comedy Estonia, Comedy Finland and Comedy Latvia. Louis writes, does gigs and performs at private events through the Baltics and Finland
Louis Zezeran

Latest posts by Louis Zezeran (see all)

Comments