Cultural Learnings Of… The Putin Youth

Remember that whacky group of kids in Germany just before the turn of the century called The Hitler Youth? What a crazy bunch! Well being the gentle statesman he is, Putin has decided to learn from this, what a fine diplomat!

Heres an article in the international edition of Newsweek which is coming out soon, talking about these well organised Russian youth organisations which are popping up around Moscow. Its the latest most hip thing, i swear.

I’ll save you the two page read. Putin learnt something from the Orange revolution in Ukraine and indeed almost every uprising against in Communism that occured across Europe, that it starts and ends with the young people. Old people are old and resistant to change, but young people are passionate, idealistic and often prone to influence. I can say that now im 27. So instead of letting the young of Russia succumb to the likes ot MTV and McDonalds, his good buddies in the Kremlin (now incidently well under his thumb) have done the following

  • Sponsored these youth groups lavishly with money, including special deals for members into certain schools and places in society
  • Last month 15,000 of these youths turned out to distribute leaflets, adorned in red jackets (don’t underestimate the power of a color here)
  • They also handed out special SIM cards in which the youths can text message the Kremlin to report when the shit goes down and when it does go down, to get instructions on what to do. An exercise which alone cost $220 million.
  • Theres also some hardcore paramilitary sections to these guys too. Wanna know how to field strip a Kalashnikov? This is your place comrade!

Who do you think has been staging the protest out the front of the Estonian embassy since the statue was removed? So why? A very astute question, answered by a spokesperson for one of the groups

"We explained to Muscovites that we should all be prepared for the pro-Western revolution, funded by America"

Oh yes watch out for that American funded revolution! You see, it was the Americans who liberated Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, Ukraine, Georgia and Kyrgyzstan. Oh yes, it wasn’t the peoples will and uprising which did it. Oh no, only a fool and a communist… oh wait… now im quoting the wrong comedian… a fool and a capitalist would believe that.

On top of this, the Russian government is sponsoring an anti Estonian campaign in the wake of the bronze statue being moved. Remember that guy i spoke once or twice about? Whats interesting is most foreigners i speak to in hostels (yes I still attend them occasionally) dont realise it was MOVED not REMOVED and from a central bus stop to a proper war cemetary. A small point russian may have forgotten to mention to you.

Here are some choice signs from inside of Russia

The word which is crossed out is "Estonia" in Russian. I’m reliably informed it more or less says "we know its cheaper and nicer but do the right thing, stay in Russia" Lets not also forget Kaliningrad makes a great substitute!

Once again, if your Russian is a bit rusty  "there are no products from Estonia in sale and thre won’t be any as well!". Come on average Russian, ride that bangwagon pulled by the horse of Putin, c’mon!

Both photos ripped off from here and thank you to Meelika for pointing me to this fine information, getting me some choice Russian translations and making sure my facts are atleast partially correct. Glory for you comrade when the tanks come back!

By Louis Zezeran

Louis Zezeran is an Australian Stand Up comedian and comedy promoter based in Tallinn, Estonia. He was the co-founder of Comedy Estonia, Comedy Finland and Comedy Latvia. Louis writes, does gigs and performs at private events through the Baltics and Finland

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